10 Reasons Squats Are A Terrible Exercise

by Chris on February 18, 2013

It is well documented that squats are a horrible exercise choice for anyone who actually cares about their body. They are reckless, dangerous and an inefficient use of your time. You’re better off doing basically anything else. Here’s why:

• Squats hurt your knees. We all know this to be true – especially if you squat anywhere near to parallel. All of those Olympic weightlifters, pro athletes, powerlifters and bodybuilders who squat all the way down are genetic outliers with divinely engineered knee joints. Plus, steroids.

• Squats require you to place a loaded barbell on top of your spine! It’s practically in direct contact with the vertebra. This is just stupid. It would be different if there were some kind of muscle group there, maybe trapezoidal in shape, that could form a cushion between the bar and your delicate spinal structure but since that hasn’t yet been discovered this statement is 100% accurate.

• You just don’t need to do squats to build muscular, strong legs. Focusing on things like leg presses, leg extension and lunges is a far more effective way to build great legs. All those lifters who used squats were on steroids and that’s the only reason they got results. You need to train the small, assistance muscles in order to pull the skin closer to the muscle anyway.

• The back squat is more of a low back exercise than a leg exercise anyway. Just look at the name: BACK squat. Plus the physics says so. If my math is correct, and according to my PhD. in Mathology from the correspondence college of Nigeria it is, the following formula illustrates my point perfectly:


I won’t bore you by actually explaining what any of that means in terms that any normal person could actually understand. Just suffice it to say that back squats are terrible for you spine. Anyone who says differently is probably on steroids.


• No sport outside of powerlifting, Olympic weightlifting or Crossfit requires you to place a load on your back and lift it straight up. Therefore, squats are not a functional exercise. So why waste your time? It’s not like the ability to exert force using a rigid, neutral trunk and activating the musculature of the hips, knees and torso is ever going to come about in every day life.

• I know this dude whose friend went to school with a Navy SEAL who says squats suck. This point is axiomatic.

• Heavy squats, on top of destroying your knees and back (see the above points), will make you slow. Everyone knows that lifts that move slow make you slow. Therefore, heavy squats will hurt athletic performance.

• Squatting is too hard on the central nervous system. Squatting more than once a month will totally burn out your CNS and lead to overtraining. Nobody in the history of lifting has ever been successful by squatting more than once a week MAX. Nobody. I dare you to find one. The Bulgarians were all on steroids.

• The Olde Time Strongmen didn’t do squats. If they didn’t do them, you don’t need to do them. These dudes were jacked and strong and we’re all pussies nowadays because we don’t do anything they used to do. Including putting extra E’s on of the ende of stuffe that doesn’t neede it. And why didn’t they squat? Because there were no steroids back then.

I know some of you trolls out there are going to say that there are only 9 reasons there. First of all, remember my Mathology Doctorate and stfu. Second, you’re probably all on steroids. Therefore, nothing you have to say regarding training is evenly remotely applicable to us natty lifters.

Sign up for my newsletter if you don’t hate freedom and puppies and love lifting and satire and don’t forget to LIKE Train Better Fitness on Facebook.


Sarah February 18, 2013 at 9:59 pm

You all need to calm down and read the tags on this post.

konrad February 18, 2013 at 10:09 pm

sounds like sheldon cooper bragging about his PhD lol
glad u have so much free time, cheers

Marcel A. Mrech February 18, 2013 at 10:14 pm

This guy sounds fucking retarded on every level possible, squats are probably one of the key exercises to release test throughout your body and for strength. So the only reason he is ranting on about how bad squats are is because he obviously got sand in his uterous while attempting a squat with the bar. Get a job you assclown, anyone who thinks they can get away without squating is obviously afraid of any hard work.

-Thank you

.. February 18, 2013 at 10:19 pm

THIS IS A SATIRE. I love how most of the readers did not seem to grasp that concept. Ya’ll are the real morons.

Davey B February 18, 2013 at 10:20 pm

What concerns me is that from the sounds of the comments, some people are not able to recognize satire. less weight and more books might be in order.

Greate article sire. coulde youe please write one thate explainse the truthe behinde fastinge and refraininge frome eatinge proteine to gaine muscle masse?

Hazman February 18, 2013 at 10:28 pm

Remember, that one quiz you took in high school that started by saying “Read all the directions carefully and then begin?” The last direction stated to print your name, turn the page over on your desk signifying that you were done and do not answer any questions on the test. That test was meant to teach you a lesson, read the fine print fools!

Coral February 18, 2013 at 10:50 pm

It’s scary that no one picked up that this was satire. Especially from the “my PhD. in MATHOLOGY from the correspondence college in Nigeria” Come on people. Mathology is not a thing. Also, l2 sarcasm.

sean wise February 18, 2013 at 10:51 pm

Lol that was funny as shit, any one who thought he was being serious obviously has no sense of humor :D

Jay February 18, 2013 at 11:01 pm

I wish I could sue the author of this ridiculous article for the giant crock of crap he is trying to feed us.

TW February 18, 2013 at 11:01 pm

Apparently SATIRE is a lost art to many people…

Well played sir!

Great article, and sadly I have heard one of my co-workers use similar logic to explain why squats and lunges aren’t good for you. YES.. I work with a trainer who refuses to teach a healthy, non-injured person how to squat or lunge, because “it will ruin their knees”…

Christopher Smith February 18, 2013 at 11:07 pm

I thought that one kind of sealed it but alas I was wrong.

Bruce February 18, 2013 at 11:14 pm

LOL Awesome….totally makes sense!?!

Dave puchinella February 18, 2013 at 11:23 pm

who was the retarded wich dont know noothing aboout kinnesiology and fisiology who wrote this pice of shit?

josh February 18, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Im sorry what was that statement about no one discovering a trap shaped pad to put in between you back and the bar?

i use these in my gym they are great.

Oh, and squats are a key fundamental “full body” exercise.
Ass hat

john February 18, 2013 at 11:26 pm

Obviously this dude isn’t serious lol at everyone who thinks he is. Just shows the level of attention people have.

Sara Ochsner February 18, 2013 at 11:28 pm

Hehe, Dave puchinella.

Joel February 18, 2013 at 11:43 pm

Who ever wrote this is a FUCKING IDIOT – says the guy with a Master’s degree and is CSCS

Nick Osborne February 18, 2013 at 11:46 pm

It’s amazing to me, how one persons opinion can piss off so many people.

Even if this was not blatant facetiousness, there is no reason to cuss at the writer.

Lighten up people, and READ.

Joel February 18, 2013 at 11:47 pm

unless this is a joke

Dutch February 19, 2013 at 12:22 am

Steroids. All of these people are too busy roid raging to realize this is satire. It all points to steroids.

Joel February 19, 2013 at 12:42 am

Haha guilty there.. I was in utter disbelief that I didn’t catch it.. guess I’m the F’ing idiot my apologies

Ryan February 19, 2013 at 12:49 am

This is an excellent piece of satire, unfortunately so many people seem to miss it as that and assume that you are being serious in this article. I must admit that I was cautious about being sure this actually was satire as there are far too many people who do write things like thing, except minus the satire and in all seriousness, out there.

Anyways, before I ramble on too much. Superb job good sir.

mike February 19, 2013 at 1:17 am

Not to mention they clog up the curl rack

Sangita February 19, 2013 at 1:37 am

Made my week!! I am so signing up for the newsletter!

Tameko February 19, 2013 at 1:47 am

I am….genuinely STUNNED by how many people took this seriously. I kind of want them to stop squatting. I don’t want them representing me in any way. I *also* thought it was impossible for people to not know this was satire. I have no idea how you could have been more obvious aside from saying “HAY GUISE THIS IS SATIRE OKAY?”

Also I am going to start saying “this point is axiomatic” after every statement I make in an argument.

edmund February 19, 2013 at 2:52 am

omg this was a joke article.

kevin February 19, 2013 at 2:57 am

“Dave puchinella February 18, 2013 at 11:23 pm
who was the retarded wich dont know noothing aboout kinnesiology and fisiology who wrote this pice of shit?”

Oh man…

Frankie February 19, 2013 at 3:20 am

Very good! ‘trapezoidal’ in shape’ was the best bit! Love some of the comments who are oblivious to what actually happened here! Bravo

dave February 19, 2013 at 4:23 am

squatting realse testo in to sytem and the reason bec when u squrt there and bit on the inside of your leg that attached to you bollack with simulates testo

lg_nyc February 19, 2013 at 4:50 am

can u tell me how to loose fat while cutting on a bulk?

Neill February 19, 2013 at 4:54 am

He’s right by the way. My dog doesn’t squat and he’s really strong. Elephants are also really strong and they don’t squat. That’s why I chase balls and frizbees for sport. I also wear a makeshift trunk that I took from a hoover and since wearing it my cns has become 87% more efficient and I can jump 21cm higher than I could before.
If any of you had an ounce of brains, you’d follow my plan. Dave Tate? Louis Simmons? WHO???

paul February 19, 2013 at 8:19 am

I don’t squat cause i’m afraid my legs will get too muscular and i’ll look like a body builder accidentally.

Hugues February 19, 2013 at 8:56 am

In cycling or sprinting, you have to push with your legs.. but unless you are training for free running, there is little need in going below horizontal. The squat is a powerful exercise to strenghten some of the muscles needed. You also have to engage your core when you do this and I like padding on my shoulders/neck… The olympic lifts are also good to train the legs, but squats have a place in a training regimen (olympic lifting is mostly about legs and core, very good for cycling/running muscles). Single leg squats are even better.

Mike Rinderle February 19, 2013 at 9:13 am

Never underestimate the stupidity of the public Chris. Apparently you should have titled the article, “This is a Joke You Fu¢&ing Morons!” I have never seen such a collection of imbeciles in my life.

bullet February 19, 2013 at 9:57 am

I work at fitness world and GNC in the mall….I am 27 years old and did very well in high school I also did a weekend course called ACE.
I think leg extensions and tanning or self tanner along with a bi-weekly shave is the best way to develope your quads– Another tip from years of experience is to not work your calves as it can mae your quads look small. I also suggest several layers of t-shirts and a weight belt and maybe some cool looking arm bands or gloves when training….it looks legit, its intimidating and everyone in the gym knows who is boss.

Marissa February 19, 2013 at 1:03 pm

Haha, hilarious!
“It would be different if there were some kind of muscle group there, maybe trapezoidal in shape, that could form a cushion between the bar and your delicate spinal structure” My favourite part <3

Josh Pellerin February 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Great article. The funny thing to me is the fact that some people believe he is serious LOL.

paul friel February 19, 2013 at 5:21 pm

Did u see the head on him

Marc Martin February 19, 2013 at 5:38 pm

I get the satire of the article but the second and seventh point were straightforward. Were these satire as well or serious points?

steve February 19, 2013 at 7:42 pm

can’t believe as I’m reading the article I’m saying to myself Chris you better be careful here because some people are going to take you serious on this and then BAM 138 responses.you gotta remember what’s out there

Jake February 19, 2013 at 9:49 pm

People who do not realise this is all sarcasm = one big massive face desk.

Seriously, I don’t know how anyone can function in normal society if they can’t see this as satire.

Lance February 19, 2013 at 11:15 pm


“Tagged as: irony, satire, squats, steroids”

Please start reading, folks.

Dave crosland February 20, 2013 at 5:03 am

I have never read such complete and utter twaddle in all my life what an ignorant biggoted uneducated narrow minded moronic article
Incorrect on so many levels its untrue

lefty February 20, 2013 at 9:39 am

Don’t forget, also, that squats are known to induce raisin nuts.

Plus, they give you a sweaty crack.

BillyBackSquat February 20, 2013 at 9:49 am

Like most you I was like “what the F*ck is this” but I saw the tags at the end of it. Look at the tags before you comment and if you don’t know what the tags mean look up the words.

Lafi February 20, 2013 at 10:18 am

You don’t now squat…

Lafi February 20, 2013 at 10:18 am

You don’t know squat…

billionare sex February 20, 2013 at 6:20 pm


Denis February 20, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Is this for real or a joke??

JackDFit February 21, 2013 at 12:49 am

This be true i was overweight all my life an one day lost 100 lbs. So did crossfit once and attempted a air squat. Little did i know my knees collapse on me :’(. I shoulda stayed fat and wore diapers so i would’ve never had to do a squat in my life. <~~~~~~~~ Sarcasm guys have a laugh once in awhile. Btw i did loose over 100 lbs doing crossfit.

100 squata a day makes you a better person tomorrow.

{ 8 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: